Loss and receiving prayer, "post-faith"

It's been a tough week.  On Monday, February 6th, 2012, I returned from a walk around the neighborhood and my dogs were dutifully awaiting my return in the front yard, as usual.  Parker, my dark, 100+ lb. German Shepherd began bouncing and faux-attacking Sonny - the beautiful white Jindo-German Shepherd mix  (we think) pictured above - to clear a safe path to the door for her owner.  Sonny appeared normal until he got to the stairs leading from the garage to the back door; He froze and just looked at me.  I helped him up the stairs, he walked about 12 feet inside the house and laid down, breathing heavily.

I rushed Sonny to our veterinarian and they said he was had fluid in his chest, that he was in rapid decline, and they needed to get him on an IV with fluids, anti-inflammatories, and steriods to get him stable.  They called me a couple of hours later telling me he was stable and they think he had gone into anaphylactic shock.  He stayed overnight for observation and more meds then I picked him up the next day.

He seemed to be slowly recovering for the next few days, resting peacefully in my home office during the day, as usual.  Until Friday night.  He started breathing a little heavier - we all noticed - but it didn't seem much more than regular panting.  We went to bed not thinking too much of it.  But we awoke at 5:15AM and he was clearly in respiratory distress again.  I rushed him to an emergency veterinary clinic.

When I got him out of the car, he could hardly walk a straight line into the clinic.  The doctor said she could barely feel his pulse or hear his heartbeat and he likely had fluid around his heart.  She performed a sonogram and found a large - likely cancerous - mass between his heart and pericardium, causing fluid to build and constrict his heart's ability to beat.  It was inoperable and the choice was clear; I had to put my Sonny down.  I called my wife to discuss and - through the tears - we agreed to end his suffering.  I laid on the concrete floor, looking into Sonny's eyes and stroking his head as she administered the lethal dose so that I would be the last thing he would ever see.  Seconds later, at about 6:45AM Saturday, February 11, 2012 he was gone.

My family and I are dog lovers.  We invest a lot of love and emotion into our dogs and it comes at a price, as with any relationship.  With all of the horror in the world, I don't for a minute put the loss of a pet near the top of the list of all things going awry.  But loss of any loved one hurts and it can hurt deeply.  I miss his constant presence with me when I'm working at home.  I miss him losing his mind when I return home from a business trip.  There are many things I'll miss about him for the rest of my life.

Many friends have offered their condolences; Some knew Sonny, some did not;  Some are believers, some are not.  Some of the believers offered prayers, some did not.

Before I go any further, let me state unequivocally that I sincerely appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers from everyone who has expressed them.  I have some friends who I formerly shared faith with who now seem a little uncomfortable when they say they will pray for me, for a situation I'm enduring, etc., as if I'll reject the notion or scoff at them.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I understand the heritage, the behavior, and the thoughts behind them.  I know that they are expressing their love and compassion for me and whatever situation is at hand.  I still want to say the same thing back to them because it is in my heritage and is a conditioned response.

I also see prayer as being helpful to the one praying, as another might find peace and consolation in meditation, exercise, or any other therapeutic endeavor.  I never want to minimize this.

***Dragging needle across the record and harshing your mellow*** As I've stated previously in this blog, I am no longer a Theist.  While I find concepts like Process Theology and Panentheism interesting and possible, ultimately I must label myself Agnostic, as I do not know.  I do not see that prayer supernaturally affects a different outcome in life events.  No study has ever verified efficacy of prayer in anything.  Many Christians will tell you that asking God to change things according to our will is a non-starter; that we must align our will with his to find acceptance.  This can be accomplished with Humanism, in my opinion, since non-humanist notions in religion are dangerous and destructive and Humanism is all that is left that is of value.  Rick Warren asserts in The Purpose Driven Life that we must align our purpose with God's, not vice versa.  Again, Humanism; Nothing supernatural required, if "what will be, will be".

***Groove track resumes***  I sincerely appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers I've received from so many, believers and others.  I welcome your continued presence in my life with continued thoughts and prayers.  Know that you are in mine as well, as I think of those close to me often and hope for nothing but the best for all of you.  More than thoughts, I offer my hands to help anyway I can.

For now, as with all of life's events, life must go on for the rest of us.  Farewell, my beloved Sonny.  Our hearts ache and you will be sorely missed.